Friday, January 18, 2008

No Where To Turn.

Where do you go when you feel like you have hit rock bottom?
And what do you do when your the person who puts someone else there?
Its no secret I am the boss at work.
And like any boss hiring and firing are part of my duties.
In construction more so than any other trade these days guys come and go with staggering regularity.
Most of the time when you hire someone you already can tell what kind of person they are.
You know if they are only going to be good as a labourer or if they have the potential to be something more.
And when you have to fire them you feel bad, but at the same time you dont have trouble falling asleep because of it.
But today I had to fire a guy who must have thought he had already hit rock bottom.
Extremely nice guy, always pleasant, approachable never had a mean thing to say.
However he wasn't the smartest guy, nor did he have the greatest set of talents ever assembled.
He didnt have the highest wage, or the best standard of living conditions.
His brother had recently bailed on him and his girlfriend and their apartment, leaving him strapped for money 24/7.
Then a little over a week ago he found out he had an STD.
Nothing life threatening, but if the doctor couldnt hook him up with free medicine he'd have no way of buying any and he hadnt signed up for the company benefit plan.
He had a car he was trying to pay off which was only a furhter detriment to his financial problems.
Three days ago his girlfriend dumped him.
And now today I had to lay him off.
Ive laid people off before, but ive never felt this bad about it.
I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Because I dont know what this poor guy is going to do now.
It hurts me that i couldnt do more to help him.
I gave him as long as I could to learn and move up.
I motivated him as best I could.
I helped him out with money.
But in the end I had to do what I had to do.
And I feel like the biggest sack of shit in the world.
Because when everything else in his life was in ruins, I dropped the one big bomb.
I took away the one thing he needed to know was secure.
A way to earn money.
And the look on his face made me hate what I had just done to him even more.
And I dont care if I have to be honest right now and say it makes me want to cry.
I have never experienced something like this.
I never thought I could feel something like this.
To care so much about what one young guy was going to do after he left my company.
To want to know that he was going to pick himself up off the mat, dust off the cobwebs and strive forward.
I dont want to end up hearing that a tragedy happens out of all this.
Because its all I can think about right now.
Its all I could think about all week.
Where do you go when you have nowhere to turn?
And how do you absolve yourself once you've put someone in that position?

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