Saturday, April 03, 2010

A Man's Gotta Do...

I have never been one to expose myself to vulnerability.
To open up voluntarily, and speak whats on my mind.
I've struggled for years with the concept of sharing my burden.
Thinking somehow I was the only one capable of bearing its load.

I know I shot myself in the foot years ago when I refused to be bold.
My timid affections too unnoticeable to make a difference.
And while it all worked out for the best, I learned a tough but valuable lesson.
I fought like hell to force myself to acknowledge it, because God knows I didn't want to.

For better or worse, this time around I wasn't going to let myself live with regret.
I will not make that error twice in a lifetime.
I said enough is enough, and stepped into the ring with both feet firmly planted.
I made my stand.
I pulled no punches and gave it everything I had.

And I thought it would set me free.
I convinced myself that speaking openly and honestly would cure me.
Rid me of all this pent up emotion, coursing its way through my body.
I couldn't be more wrong.

It only seems to grow stronger.
And while my head is begging to be listened to,
to be heard and recognized, my heart won't let it.
My heart seems bent on pushing me forward, to not abandon this path.

And how can I not listen?
For once I feel as if I am being rational, sane and balanced.
Like I'm doing things right.
Amid this jungle of thoughts, emotions, fears and obstacles I know I can see a truth.

I'm not going to give up.
Not without a fight.

Not this time.

2 comments:

  1. It takes courage to write so raw and honestly.
    Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete