Clueless.

These days are as troubling as any I've experienced.
Work is as stressful as ever, if not more so.
Just when I thought my learning curve was beginning to level out,
new twists and turns, curves and bends are in front of me.

And it's not that I'm afraid of the possibilities and responsibilities that await me.
I've learned I can handle most anything put in front of me.
My drive and determination will see me through even the toughest of spots.

No, what my problem is right now, is trying to figure out exactly what I want.
Do I want to end up like an uncle who has absolutely no life outside of work?
Worse yet, end up with no life and no family of my own?
Fuck no.

Do I want to give up control of something with such astounding potential to generate for the future because I don't want the burden?
Hell no.

So how the hell do I find the middle ground?
For someone who has never been good at balance,
how do I achieve it?
I haven't been out to take pictures in forever.
And it makes me feel ill.
To know that I devote so much time and energy to a job I love,
but that takes away from my ability to lead a truly fulfilled life.

Without my constant attention time and money will be wasted,
and I lose sleep knowing that.
Yet I feel just as physically ill not being able to have any time to myself.

How do I approach the road ahead?
With so many variables,
I simply don't know which way I want to go.
Today can be one way, tomorrow another.

For as great as it is to have so many doors open to you,
it only provides constant mental fatigue.

I was born into a tough family.
I have been forged in the crucible of the construction industry.

Yet even I am starting to crack.